be in debt and not to fret the things i let undone?

 i ran away to numb the pain and only created chaos.

the truth of the matter is, long distance relationships CAN work but you have to be committed. 

“we can learn to love each other” wrong. 

love isnt something that can be taught. or learned for that fact. it is an uncontrollable emotion and you cant decide whether you want to be in or not. 

my view on things, you can love everyone. 

when i am in a relationship with a guy, i always want to say “i love you” right away. not because i want to spend the rest of my life with the guy, but because i feel like there is such a bond between the two of us, no other words can describe it. i love my mom. i love my roommate. i love everyone who i am friends with and i will say it to them. 

when i say im IN love with a guy is completely different. i have only been IN love with one guy and i will always be in love with him. though im not with him anymore, my feelings will always be the same until i find a greater bond out there. 

im not ready to find that bond. i dont want to feel that way again unless its with the same guy. so for now, dont tell me you see our relationship lasting a few years… especially if you live 500 miles away. i cant promise i wont find someone out here because it WILL happen. 

and guys; NEVER tell your girlfriend “i know the little heart i have left is going to be ripped out sooner or later.”

im not going to lead a guy on if i dont have the same feelings i had before. thats a proven fact. 

all honesty here, i dont want this. i do like you a lot but i cant go on every day missing someone i MIGHT see once a month. because i do want to live out here. the only reason i;d be going home would be to be with you and thats not a good enough reason. im not in love with you, i wouldnt move home for you. 

i still have a ton of growing up to do, but so do you. 

we are both NINETEEN. you cant just assume all your past experiences are going to get you by in life. we will be alive for 50+ years (if we’re lucky) dont base situations now on things that happened years ago. thats just dumb. 

we live to make mistakes and learn from those mistakes, that is what makes us grow into adults. 

we have different paths in life, who knows if they will cross in the future. but for now please dont expect me to settle for someone im not next to every night. i have alot of thinking to do over the next few weeks but i will promise you this, im not moving back to california because i want to push myself to succeed out here. im sorry if i beak your heart, i guess it wouldnt be the first and like my mom says, it wont be the last. 

just realize the fact we havent even been dating for two weeks! if your having so much trouble with this, BREAK UP WITH ME. dont just hold on to something that might work out down the road because its a waste of time that neither one of us will get back. 

quit playing games. stop telling me to follow my heart because you wont like the results. 

the end.